Holidays can be stressful for many people, and being in recovery during this time can bring additional challenges and worries. You might feel lonely due to a lack of family support or experience unresolved tensions. Some families have a culture of heavy drinking, while others may refrain in consideration of your sobriety. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Here are some useful tips to help you stay grounded during the holiday season.

Family dynamics can vary significantly, leading to increased stress during the holidays. Remember, we can’t control what others think, say, or do; the only thing we can control is our attitudes and actions. For instance, if someone opens a bottle of wine at dinner, you can’t control that, but you can control whether you choose to relapse. If a family member says something that hurts your feelings, while you can’t change their words, you have the option to sit with a different family member during dinner.

This brings us to the importance of setting boundaries. Boundaries are limits we establish for ourselves in certain situations. While we can’t dictate how others behave, we can control our reactions. For example, you might set a boundary that keeps you away from alcohol or individuals who are drinking heavily. If someone places a bottle near you or if you notice that someone at the table is intoxicated, you can choose to move away. Additionally, consider what to do if you start to feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed; it’s perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself or leave early to protect your sobriety and peace of mind.

It’s helpful to inform your family in advance about the boundaries you’ve set for yourself. Keep in mind that you’re not imposing restrictions on them, rather, you’re expressing your needs. You might say something like, “If there’s a lot of drinking, I’ll be leaving early to maintain my sobriety.” This ensures that you’re not placing the responsibility on others to uphold your boundaries. Writing down your boundaries ahead of time can help create a clear action plan for when situations become difficult.

Another important aspect of preparing for the holidays is adjusting your expectations. Don’t assume that your family will cater specifically to your sobriety. If this is a concern, consider bringing your favorite non-alcoholic drink with you, so you have something enjoyable to sip on throughout the day. Also, remember that your family may still be healing from the hurt caused by your past addiction. Just because you are sober doesn’t mean that trust has been fully restored. Some family members may seem distant or cautious, which is beyond your control.

Try not to set the expectation that the holiday will be awful. While it may indeed be challenging, approaching the holiday with a negative mindset beforehand won’t help. Keep in mind that many people experience stress during the holidays, regardless of addiction. Instead, work on a gratitude list to focus on the positive aspects of your life, like your family, your sobriety, and being alive.

The holidays can be emotionally taxing, making self-care even more important. Plan some time for self-care after the holiday, whether that involves engaging in a relaxing hobby or decompressing through journaling. Remember to practice patience and grace with yourself as you navigate the holiday season sober.