Many people believe that getting sober simply means not using substances. They think that if they can stay sober long enough, their problems will magically disappear. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Just removing the substance is like ripping the head off a weed; the roots remain. If you don’t address these roots, the weed will continue to grow and spread, potentially leading to a relapse.

So, what are these roots, and how do we eliminate them? When we are living in active addiction, our struggles go beyond physical dependence; we are also mentally and emotionally dependent. Our thoughts, reactions, and feelings become distorted by our addiction. This distortion persists even after we stop using, causing us to behave as though we are still in active addiction, even without the substance.

Imagine a guy with a massive ego when he drinks. He often goes to bars and is the loudest person in his friend group. His friends typically brush it off and even find it humorous because that’s just how he behaves when he’s drunk. One day, he decides to quit drinking cold turkey. He goes out with his friends to their usual bar, and they’re excited about his decision, looking forward to a more relaxed and enjoyable time together. Unfortunately, he acts like he never stopped drinking. Instead of being funny, his loudness becomes obnoxious. He continues to display toxic behaviors even though he’s sober. This phenomenon is often referred to as being a “dry drunk.” His behavior when he was drinking is still evident.

The real issue wasn’t the act of drinking itself.; it was how he acted and treated those who loved him that hurt his family and friends. It is crucial to confront our behaviors and actions. This understanding is a significant reason why support groups are helpful, they provide an environment for people who are also trying to address their character defects. Stopping dry drunk behavior doesn’t happen overnight. It requires time and effort, as many of us are often unaware of our problematic behaviors. The guy who remains loud and obnoxious while sober likely doesn’t realize he is annoying his friends; he just thinks he is behaving as he always has.

Confronting these behaviors isn’t easy, and we often become defensive when they are pointed out to us. If we want the peace and happiness sobriety offers, we must swallow our pride and be open to feedback. Common criticisms we might face include acting like a victim, being self-absorbed, failing to take ownership of our attitudes and actions, and remaining unwilling to stop living in chaos.

Take a moment to reflect on your behavior and how people react to you. Write down some things you think others might say about you. Are you kind? Do you prioritize others before yourself? How do you react when someone confronts you? Are you approachable? Do you listen actively when others speak?

Our addiction has affected every part of our lives, and it’s essential to understand that we have considerable work ahead to become the person we aspire to be. Taking an inventory of ourselves can help us identify areas that need improvement.

Support groups can be beneficial during this self-evaluation process, as others there are facing similar challenges while striving to maintain their sobriety. It is a judgment-free space where you can heal and grow alongside others. With time and effort, we can heal and grow. Our recovery reflects what we invest in it. Choosing to remain a dry drunk increases the likelihood of relapse. If we seek long-term sobriety, we must confront ourselves and our behavi